A quick walk around the time of sunset. Clouds shape shifting as they do around these parts. I almost feel that sunsets aren’t complete unless I’m by the bay, but have lately realized that the sky stretches to all parts, all around me. Neighborhood streets, hills, grocery store parking lots I look up, and there it is, opening to the evening.
Twelve years! It began on a desire to photograph, to write but I had no confidence then. I surreptitiously followed such blogs, and finally commented on someone’s ongoing 365. I told him I wished I could do that. His reply? Well, why can’t you? It was the slap upside the head I needed to realize I was getting in my own way. I laugh now in retrospect at who I was then, and the metamorphosis that has taken place in 12 years. Not that I’ve become a Diane Arbus, or Virginia Woolf. But I’ve lost temerity and the worry of what others think. I photograph and write for me; if someone else likes it too all the better, if not, its none of my business. Maybe that’s a sure sign of getting old.
A lot has happened over the last twelve years, too, changing the me that I was to who I’ve become. Hard, painful changes that have brought growth. There has been a lot of happiness too with family and friends. And that is what matters most.
Opening myself to the whispers of my creative muse. Allowing myself to accept the fact that I had held the key to open this door all along. How is it that I can’t remember when I let that world close its door; or indeed, saw the closed door and ignored it.
But now, as I’ve pulled back the door, I walk in to explore a world filled with lines and shape and color that my mind embraces like an old friend who has been sorely missed. We walk arm in arm and I’m told it is ok to bend and shape the lines and colors to create new worlds that bring joy and wonder.
The photo above is a quick snap I took last night of art on a flat wall above the mantle and reinvented through play and creating digital abstract art in mobile apps. I’m finding that my muse likes to play. A freedom from staying inside the lines. A new world has opened.
What is it about October? The colors, definitely. The beginning subtle change in the light as evening approaches earlier and earlier, lights blinking on in windows as I walk through the neighborhood. The blessed relief of the heat of summer receding.
Making it up as I go along now. Appropriate, as I looked up the lyrics to this song by The Arctic Monkeys that I didn’t even know was a song, was just checking if this was being used by someone else as a title here on WordPress. So here I go with One for the Road that will post when the muse so directs me.
I’ve been going through a decluttering stage, cleaning out physical spaces and online social media sites as well, removing myself from Facebook, for I pray the final time, and then cleaning out Instagram from people I never see posts from, or don’t care to when I do see them. This Instagram review has been rather sobering as I see some people I had followed from all around the world, and realize they haven’t posted in over a year. And I wonder if they have been taken by COVID, or by the mind bending numbness of each ongoing crisis as craziness just seems to never stop around the world. I will never know. In the meantime, I ramp up and unleash the spring of creativity that is welling up inside, and pray that everyone just keeps on keeping on in health and in peace.
A graduation of age yesterday. An advancement. A birthday. As I waited for my friend to return from placing our lunch order, and I looked out over the water, I had such a sense of peace and oneness with this world, a feeling I don’t remember having before. I felt I was all part of this; I was in it and it was in me. Completely enveloped. Maybe it was because it has been so long that I have been in a pandemic cocoon, shut away from the world, that this surged into my soul that has been so parched. And now the butterfly pushes out, transformed. Or maybe, I thought, this is how 74 feels.
Life has been renewed for reading and writing and editing photos. I decided there could be no better use for my stimulus check cash than to buy a new iPad Air. I had initially considered a new laptop, but the iPad seemed to have more advantages. In possession just one week now, and I’m ecstatic. I’ve unfortunately been hampered more and more from a worsening glaucoma in my left eye that has further been impacted by a cataract. A laser procedure for the glaucoma has proved not too useful; cataract surgery is coming up in April. In the meantime, the iPad is large enough to make reading and seeing photos much easier.
The shells pictured above, from a local beach, were slipped in to my jacket pocket last evening by the significant other, as we sat and marveled at the sunset sky. A gift better than jewels.